Stevie Hahn


From the first minute I saw you, I loved you. Only one thought ran through my head … forever will never be enough time with you. Even though we get to spend the next 70 or so years together, I wish it was more. Although I can normally express everything quite easily, you put me at a loss for words. I simply cannot describe the love I have and the feeling that I would do anything in this life for you.

With one dimple, a head full of hair, and a vibrancy we could have never expected, you came roaring into this world. People cannot stop telling us “how little,” “how cute,” and “how strong” you are. You are an incredibly happy and bright little girl. You have been holding your head up since week two, likes showers, not baths, and recently you have decided it's time to start verbalizing your thoughts (nondescript). You are small but mighty - all the doctors comment how "strong you are" and that you are just such a "content baby." 

You are so little now and while I cannot wait to see all that you are going to accomplish in this life, a big part of me wants you to just stay small…where I can hold you when I want, cuddle you when I want, and protect you from everything crazy in this world. Most mornings I pull you into bed when I get up and we just lay there – either playing, cuddling, or I just watch you sleep. My love for you grows deeper every day as I learn every new aspect of your developing personality. You smile A LOT, and are a just starting to learn how to laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a sound I like as much as that one. When you laugh and play with us, both your dad and I stop what we are doing and give you all of our attention. You are the centre of our world and admittedly, you are spoiled.

Because this is my letter to you, I am going to be honest with you. Before you were born people told me “everything was going to change” and that “the things I loved wouldn’t be as important anymore.” Based on everything we were told, I expected nothing close to what we got. I expected massive and obtrusive life changes, but you my girl, go with the flow and you have fit into our world so perfectly that it's like you have been here all along. You aren’t startled by your sister's excessive, loud barks, you like watching YouTube fishing videos with your dad, enjoy our long weekend runs, mostly sleep through the night, and you are already a frequent flyer (having been too Regina, Ottawa, and Phoenix). My point is that you haven’t been “obtrusive” of any kind. This hasn’t been stressful and you aren’t overwhelming. In so many ways, nothing has changed, but also, everything has changed. You are the greatest gift we have ever received. These last three months have been the best of our lives. Things are just better when you are around Stevie girl. Moments seem longer and days are more fulfilling. Maybe people just forget to tell you all the good things when they offer horror stories about life with newborns, but you make me laugh, make me more patient, make me slow down, make me feel calmer and stronger all at once, and make me feel like the most loved person in the world when I catch you staring up from my arms smiling at me.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom but I have to say, I wasn’t really sure how good I would be. I have a tendency to take on too much and spread myself thin … but this is where you are helping me. You are changing me little bug. You are helping me slow down and appreciate the small things. When I’m with you, time feels like it stops, and you and me are the only ones in the world. While I admit things are busier than ever, when you smile at me, everything else in my mind goes blank. You bring such a sense of gratefulness and peace to this crazy world of ours.

I have no idea if you will be anything like me, and in a lot of ways, I hope you aren’t, but what I do hope and want for you is to remember these things:

·  Never let someone tell you what you can or cannot do. Exceed expectations always. When someone tells you you can’t, let that only serve to drive your determination more.

·  Don’t ever apologize for who you are or what you believe in. Being head-strong isn’t such a bad thing if you are staying true to your morals and values.

·  Be your own person. You can have different interests than your friends or others and that’s okay. Gain confidence from the things that make you different instead of the other way around.

·  Be strong with your actions. Unlike me, you don't always need to verbalize when you are right or when others might be wrong. Just prove it.

Most of all, I want you to know that you can be whoever you want to be. You are beautiful, confident, and strong, and don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than that.

With all the love in my heart,

Your mom